What is your life about?

Over the past decade, so much of my distress about being chronically ill stemmed not only from pain and fear of pain, but also from the fear that my life would be small, that I would not accomplish what I wished because of my limitations.

I recently heard an interview with a coach named Remy Chausse, who mentioned that our legacies can be a "beingness" instead of a "doingness;" that our gift to the world is not what we do, but how we do it.

I find in that little nugget of wisdom a great relief. A state of "being" is accessible to anyone, anywhere, while many types and ways of "doing" are restricted. I will never be a professional basketball player, or climb Mount Everest, but I can BE any way I want to be, and I can bring that wholly unique beingness to the things that I am able to do.

This concept lifts the question that plagues so many of us angsty Americans, "What should I do with my life?" Suddenly, finding the perfect job or spouse or living arrangement is not the goal, but rather showing up completely to whatever situation presents itself. This shift allows our need to control our external circumstances to fall away, while opening an easeful passage to attracting the structures that will most support us.

My life will therefore be as small or large as I choose, as disappointing or magnificent as I allow it to be. This notion is wonderfully comforting, satisfying my ambitious side while at the same time orienting me to what matters most in life: love. Being in line with my highest and best self.

No matter the ups and downs of your pelvic pain journey, I hope you remember or at least consider this idea. Yes, pelvic pain brings with it many losses, an erasure of some "doings," permanently or temporarily. But do not count among these losses your ability to live a rich, full, beautiful life.