Tomorrow's Valentine's Day! And you know what that means - it's the most vulvovaginal day of the American year.
(If you know of a country or culture that has a more juicy V day than this, you know I need to hear about it.)
It's the time of hearts - believed to be a symbol descended from images of women with their legs spread wide, and using their fingers to pull the labia upward, turning the vulva into the heart shape we know and love today!
It's the time of year when stores and offices and homes are draped unabashedly in feminine red and pink, and rose sales skyrocket. It's the time for stupid articles about "What Women Really Want," hopeful yet unrealistic expectations, and many many bottles of wine drunken by hordes of both the depressed and proudly single.
But it ain't all about boxes of chocolate. It's probably the most popular time of year for productions of The Vagina Monologues. It's the high holiday for V-Day, the organization that fights violence against women and girls, the organization that birthed One Billion Rising. One Billion Rising puts on events in 200 countries in which women and men dance to protest the fact that one in three females will be raped or beaten in her lifetime.
And - with the notable exception of gay men - it is a time when millions of people have an extra excuse to relish the pleasure that the almighty V brings.
For better or for worse, Valentine's Day reflects the conflicted emotions, beliefs, and (mis)understanding that our nation has about women and their sexuality.
Yes, it's ostensibly about love between couples - but really, this one's about the ladies. Maybe that's because our national stereotype is that romance is inherently feminine.
And frankly, I'll take it. As a female I love to be associated with love, with romance, with pleasure. In fact, I want more of it. This planet could use a healthy dose of feel-good sumpin' sumpin' and I'm happy to supply it.
This vulva-shaped box of chocolate is for me? I thank you sincerely! I don't care how trite it is, I like vulvas and I like chocolate. Boom. A luscious bouquet of flowers in the middle of winter? Yes! That is perfect, as indeed my lady parts are springlike all year round.
I am happy to ignore the many ridiculous aspects of this day as I am too busy making it my own.
May you relish this Valentine's Day. May you celebrate the V however you damn well please: listening to symphonies, enjoying the company of your vibrator, dancing with the one billion, crying at romantic comedies, reading erotica, hugging a tree, getting swept off your feet by your favorite painting.
This is your day, and you and your vagina can do whatever the hell you want with it.
Happy Valentine's Day, hot stuff!